I’m drowning in self-pity. I wish that my relationship would work, but he wont love me unless im mo…

I’m drowning in self-pity. I wish that my relationship would work, but he wont love me unless im more confident. I think that i might be clinically depressed, and that it might be going on my third year of it. I don’t feel as if I have any control over my emotions,i take every word to heart, i over-obsess, i dont consider myself happy, i just feel like im drowning. I cant tell anybody because id just sound stupid. I need help. I’ve seen that knife too many times…..