Im in therapy, on 50mg Nortriptylin, and no matter what happens i cant get over the idea that i shou…

Im in therapy, on 50mg Nortriptylin, and no matter what happens i cant get over the idea that i shouldve died two years ago, not my brother. Everyday it haunts the back of my head, when i wake up, when i go to bed, in my dreams and i have to concentrate not to type it out all the time. id give anything to trade places with my brother and die back then. ever since then ive only made life worse for everyone around me. i shouldve died, not him.