Okay so I haven’t talked to anyone about this except my boyfriend but he doesnt understand me. We have been together for 5 years and have lived together the entire time minus maybe 6months. We both partied when we first met, and a couple years later I decided to stop partying but he continued. I stuck by his side through everything I didn’t want to do and waited for him to be done with drinking. Its been a while together and I’ve been in his house, theres no pictures of mine on the walls, I only own my clothes and only have a dresser and a couple of automins that have space in them that I fill with my stuff. I feel like it’s never been my home because I have to pick and choose who, or if I want to invite a friend over but he has everyone and anyone over at any time even if he knows I dont like them. I have a car but never go anywhere, but he goes out and sometimes doesnt even tell me where or when he’s coming back. I have seen so much of him, and him of me that I asked him if he would go with the idea of living apart but still being with each other. I have always wanted my own space but not as bad as I do now because we fight often and my anamosity comes from being stuck in his house. I wont even just get up and go because I dont feel good about him not liking it. Ive spent a year trying to get him to understand that if we stay living together we will break up because we fight all the time and have different lifestyles. All I want to do is have my own place, not clean up after him everyday, have peace and quit, and a place of my own to study hard as I am in school. I feel worse everyday because him saying no is like telling me that Im stuck in his house until he decides to let me breathe. I dont have any furniture there, no paintings on the wall, No nice things because he doesnt treat my stuff with the same respect that I treat his stuff. It’s a full time job picking up after him and cleaning up burn marks from his cigarettes, and ashes all over the place. Like i love him and want to be with him but I dont want to do these things anymore because it is driving me further away from him and he doesnt get that. Can anyone tell me if I am being selfish by wanting my own place? Do relationships accualy get stronger when you dont have to see or hear things that bother you everyday? Is it fair that a place that I’ve paid rent for, for that many years isn’t even really mine? I mean I could move anytime but I dont want to on bad terms because I still love him and want to work it out but he wont let me get my own space even after I asked him to help me find a place that he wouldnt mind me living in.
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
My boyfriend and I were dating for about 4 months- my shortest relationship. I fell in love with the two boyfriends I had before him… but they were different kinds of love. Each one, I knew wasn’t going to last, or just wasn’t *quite* right, despite being great experiences. But this last one way different. I had never felt this way about anyone else- so comfortable, so much desire to show him my love and appreciation, so much desire to learn and grow together, to support and nurture and challenge each other. I saw him in my future. I was utterly confident that we would end up together. He broke up with me a month ago because his anxiety got in the way of everything and caused him to fall out of love with me (even though he still respects and cares for me). It’s been over a month, and I’m still in love with him the same way I used to be. He needs time to readjust and find himself. I just want to reach out and support him and show him how much I care about him. I want to help him find happiness again. But I also want to be with him. I can’t get the idea out of my head that one day we will be together, and it will eventually be for the rest of our lives. But this idea is making me miserable in the present. I think about him ALL the time, no matter what I am doing. I can’t stop the thoughts from penetrating my mind… and they often feel like stabs, cutting deep. But I can’t stop loving him.
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Anonymous
Sometimes I feel like I don’t have real/close friends. Just because I’m not alone, doesn’t mean I’m not lonely.
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Anonymous
Well my mom has been sleeping all day, and I feel completely worthless. At times I feel as if she doesn’t care about me. Like she has apathy, for me! I believe it partakes her wicked disorder, she is bi-polar. Beautiful, Eh?
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Anonymous
Don’t know what’s going on this week. People never returned calls, people ignore my whatsapp messages, I feel like the entire world is turning their backs on me. even my special one talks differently, i feel optional. I’m used to having attention from girls. Girls chit chat and have deep conversations with me regularly, not this week.
Communication with people isn’t great this week. Work isn’t smooth as well. Nothing ever goes my way. Quotation from supplier got cancelled because they can’t offer the same price anymore. other contractors charged me for VO meaning I need to pay extra.
I don’t know man. I feel lonely all of a sudden. I am emotionally weak. I am insecure. I need a hug from her to tell me everything’s okay, including us.
Could it be Black Friday the 13th?
I wish miss A didn’t go to sleep just like that last night. And still not responding to my whatsapp in the morning. I knew she wasn’t last seen online with me. I just wan’t the last one on her mind.
I wish miss P wouldn’t go offline just like that. Would have been nicer if we had a proper closure to the conversation.
I wish miss N didn’t ignore my “Hello”. She usually responded cheerfully and I really miss the normal N.
I wish miss F would respond to me while she was out. Usually she reports to me everywhere she does/whatever she does.
I wiss mister L would answer my questions directly. I feel he’s avoiding me maybe I suffocate him.
What the fuck is wrong with me???? I didn’t do anything special this week.
Guess I’m done. Thank you The Venting Tree!
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Anonymous
Oh so all you wanted to do was hook up and have sex? UH NO, WTF TYPE OF PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM?!?! It’s crazy how people are and act nowadays.
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phantomp
I’m in love with Angela, but I pretend to not care at all. Just to get her attention.
FML.
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Anonymous
I’m done.
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Anonymous
Cast in the name of God, Ye not guilty.
I will have this tattooed on me at some point. -
Anonymous
I’m waiting for the pills to start working. My sleeping pills. I hope I have enough time to sleep it off.
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Anonymous
It really hurts to be lonely. I get insecure about how other people feel about me and how I act, and gosh, it hurts so much. Sometimes I get over the top without thinking, but it sucks that only afterwards, I really realize how much of a fool I made myself look. Those mistakes build down on me and I feel like crying all the time. I do cry all the time.. and even though it may feel a bit better at that moment, the pain still comes back. I don’t want to think about their opinions anymore, I don’t want to worry anymore, I don’t want to cry anymore.
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Anonymous
Why can’t my dad just say something nice about what I’ve done in life!
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Anonymous
Why do I fall for the things you say?
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PleaseListen
I don’t have someone that I can talk to about everything. i don’t feel comfortable talking to my friends about most things. I wonder if I’m always going to be like this. most of the time, i just let my friends see anger and frustration. they don’t know how sad i can get, and how i get when i’m sad. i still can’t tell n because i feel like he’ll get mad and call me stupid. it’s lonely not being able to get some things out.
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Anonymous
My wife of 15 yrs refuses to go to Opera/plays with me.( a new interest). I go alone. Pisses me off.
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anon
I am writing you this because I won’t give you the satisfaction of ever knowing that I still think about you, even for a second. I just want to let you know that I am so glad you left me. Your cowardliness and selfishness was just what I needed to get some space and perspective to realize that everyone was right; i DO deserve better, i AM worth something more, and i DONT deserve to be abused. I’ve finally realized that getting over you was easy because even though I loved you for 8 years, shared last names and a house with you for 4, I did not really love you. I loved what I knew you could be. I saw the potential beneath all the nasty, deplorable things that made up your character and I clung to that hope that one day you would outgrow all of your bullshit. At the beginning of the separation I was jaded and swore that people could not change. I told you that. But I want to let you know that I was wrong. People can change. They just have to want to. I was so perplexed as to why you couldnt just man up, admit that you were slowly killing me, and stop it. It seems so simple. You said that you loved me, and normal people don’t want to ever see the ones they love hurt. But you did the opposite. I’ll never understand why you beat me down verbally every day, why you despised everything that I stood for. Why you told me over and over that I was worthless, alone, that my family and friends were all wrong. You crippled me. And after those 4 years of being your wife, I felt like the shell of the person I used to be. You running with your tail between your legs when things got tough was the best thing that you have ever done for me.
I’m not sure what you think I’m doing now. I’m sure you say you dont care, but I know that not being able to keep tabs on me other than through friend’s profiles is killing you. I bet you’re wishing that I’m still emotionally beat up and my heart is broken. But hunny, I am perfectly fine. I’m better than fine. Everyone, even your own mother, told me that I had the strength to get out and to live my life. I’m young. I’m talented. And I’m stronger than you will ever be. I cannot blame you for your fucked up childhood runining you. But I can hold you respondible with how to handled all that anger by pushing it down and then releasing it on the people that loved you the most. You are an expert self sabotager and for that I feel sorry for you. I pity the fact that you are so stubborn that you will never admit that you were wrong and that you need to change. It makes me cringe to think of the next girl you spin a web for and trap in your facade. You will make her life hell and make her hate herself because misery truely loves company, just like you did me. But, as much as I would love to warn the next girls, that’s not my problem anymore. You have inflected any pain on me for the last time. I am so liberated from your shit that I rediscovered all the things I almost forgot make me happy. I love my life now. I have moved on.
I found a man. One that treats me the way that you should have from day one. It might seem too soon to some people and it might be picked apart, but my feelings for him are warranted. And his feelings towards me are genuine.
You see, you told me all the time that you loved me, even up until the very end. But actions speak louder than words and you showed me more often than not that you hated everything that I stood for. This man says he loves me and shows it. This is the life I deserve. This is what I deserve. To love and be loved in return.
I just want to let you know that you have not ruined me. In fact, you have proved to me that I am stronger than I could have ever imagined. I will soon change back my name, cover these tattoos, and move on with my life without you. I WILL make something out of myself because …well…I have no choice. That’s just the person I am. The person that you showed me I could be. -
Anonymous
Why can’t I ever feel comfortable in my own body? Why can’t I like what I see in the mirror? There’s days where I’m like okay yeah I feel confident and beautiful and then I see someone who is prettier than me and it changes everything. Hmmmph…..
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Anonymous
i told my girlfriend not go to the party that night, she knew who was gonna be there. She said they were civil and that he agreed to never speak to her again. I held her hand in the bathtub for hours as she attempted to tell me the details of how he raped her. I need a heavier baseball bat.
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Anonymous
My friends fight all the time, and always force me to pick sides. They never think about me and how the argument is affecting me. It pisses my off, because I never get a say. Then, when I cry about it, they act like it wasn’t ever they’re fault.
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ICantDoThis
I think Im really depressed, but only two people in the whole world know about it, and nobody else in my life can know. I cannot tell my family, they already dont like me. My mom is a straight up bitch about everything and anything I ever need, it’s like a chore for her. But if she asks me to do something, all hell breaks loose if I dont do it or complain about it. And then she goes and plays favorites and pretty much tells me she hates me. She says she doesnt know what to do with me anymore because I prefer to be out with friends than home with her. Whenever my older sister comes to visit, my mom acts like i dont exsist. And its not like my sister is never over, its once or twice EVERY week. I dont get what i did wrong, why do i deserve this? And then there’s school. Everyone there thinks im the happiest girl in the entire world-i always have a smile on my face. I dont like the idea of my friends (other than the 2 that know) knowing the real me. It scares me because i dont know who would still like me, and who would think im the freak i feel like i am. Im only in high school, and ive already lost 2 close friends; one in a car crash and one from cancer. That also scares me that the best people in the world are the ones that die so young. Those two girls never leave my mind. And of course, theres the typical stupid boys in high school who think its okay to mess with girls brains–because why wouldnt there be something/someone else to make me feel worse about myself. About 3 or 4 weeks ago, a guy told me to kill myself so he could piss on my grave. When someone says something like that, youd think they deserved it, but i just said i didnt like him and didnt want to date him. I dont even know the kid that well. And thats when i started to cut again. I had stopped for two years, but then he said that. I dont even know what to do anymore. I dont want to do anything but cry, and i cant even do that anymore. I feel like theres nothing left of me. I like to think its just going to blow away soon, but i doubt it will. Im just scared.
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Anonymous
sometimes
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Anonymous
I’ve been with you for 3 years and never loved anyone more. It broke my heart to give your ring back. But Travis came to me and told me you weren’t calling it off because you didn’t want to Hurt me. I love u and want a baby so bad but can never bring myself to tell you. When you ran off to Texas by yourself our relationship changed, and it still hurts me that you left without batting an eye. On one hand I want to be your wife and have your babies on the other I’m still wary of giving you my heart all the way again. You think you have me whole heartedly but that’s a sham. I love you but I’m still hurt
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Anonymous
I need to get laid more often. I’m sorry of this sounds a little disturbing to anyone, I really am. you see I have severe forms of intimacy issues which masked me fairly disabled to form any kinds of emotional connections. but I still feel the need for physical connections, and no I don’t want to pay for a hooker cause I can’t afford it Burr also because
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sothisiswhereitends
so i wonder if we’ll last. im so inlove with you. when i think of us not being together, i get all choked up and i can’t bare the aching feeling in my chest. please don’t ever go, alright darling?
i love you V. i promise i always will no matter what shall happen to us.
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Anonymous
Nobody listens to Gordon! I’m a little slow to talk but smart if you listen! I now know why my teachers used to say “Listen!”. I feel so invisible!
Love Peace Linux!
Anonymous 8:04 am on April 23, 2012 Permalink |
Trust me ur not the only person to have to go through this and feel this way about it but u need to remember u mater in this relationship to and it sounds like he doesnt really care how you feel if i was in ur shoes i would get my own place and make sure he knows u still want him in ur life i went through pretty much the same thing and moving out and doing more things for myself made me a happier person and staying wont make ur relationship stronger it will just make u feel worse and when ur not happy how can u and ur partner be hope this helps and things work out